Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
well, you know. whores of a feather.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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