You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
