You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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