im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
