We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
