Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize