What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
