Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
