I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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