Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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