Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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