my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
