If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
