On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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