I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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