I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
