I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I will be naked everywhere
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
