yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
