so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
