I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
