just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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