...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
