Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
