Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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