Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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