Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
