I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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