Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
