my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
