I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
