So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
