is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
