I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
