I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
