I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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