You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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