All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
