the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Come share oat with me in your robe
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
