Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize