I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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