What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
