the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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