My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
