i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
