I just made out with a guy for $7.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
