sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
