you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
