I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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