i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
