he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize