Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
