I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
