dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
