After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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