i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't deserve a penis
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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