arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
