Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just tell him i said nine months
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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