I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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