and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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