Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
