he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
