I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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