someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What a dumb baby whore.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
