Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
