she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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