nut hugger
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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