I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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