It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My penis needs a shock collar
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
