the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
