u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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