So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
