So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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