i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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