it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize