Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
