There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
