Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
