i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
