I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
